i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
