I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
