i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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