I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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