Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
