and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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