when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
