so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
