lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
