even my farts smell like vagina
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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