Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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