After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
