We're facebook friends in real life
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
