I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
