Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
