I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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