Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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