so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
