I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
