i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
