I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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