someone get that fucking seahorse.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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