oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My penis needs a shock collar
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
