i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
