hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
