Taylor Swift is so right about you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
