is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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