3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
