I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
