I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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