Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
