dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
