I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
