i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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