I didn't shave. On purpose
you traded sex for a burrito?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
