i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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