david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
