You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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