mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
