i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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