Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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