do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My vagina is officially offended.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
