How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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