If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
