And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
