then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
