Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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