I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
