can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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