The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
