Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
